


I Feel Safe When You're Holding Me Near

by Sonderbar_Madchen



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Alive!Jeff, Basically the stuff that happens in the tapes, Clony - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, How I see things going, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kinda, M/M, Padilla Family feels, Post Season 1, Songfic, Tony and Clay Deserve Better, and fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2018-10-18 08:22:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10612989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonderbar_Madchen/pseuds/Sonderbar_Madchen
Summary: Even when you want the world to stop it keeps spinning. Clay wanted justice for Hannah and now that it's happening he just feels empty. He would feel alone but everywhere he turns there is Tony.





	1. And So It Goes...

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic I'm posting here on AO3. Mostly because the Clony tag needs some love! Title taken from Ed Sheeran song. Alive!Jeff because Jeff Atkins deserved better and you can fight me on that.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay is trying to keep it together but it's so hard when you're alone.

    Clay feels raw, every nerve ending exposed. He squeezes his eyes shut trying to control the nausea as his stomach betrays him. He had fought so hard to stay awake and despite his determination he had nodded off sitting at his desk. He forehead felt wet, he must’ve opened up the cut again but he didn’t even feel it. 

 

      He had another nightmare starring Hannah Baker. This time he was in Bryce’s backyard, stuck to the floor by the jacuzzi unable to speak or to move as Bryce raped Hannah. She was looking straight at him calling for help through her tears of agony, “ _Helmet, please,”._ But Clay couldn’t help in the dream just like he couldn’t help in real life. Clay felt sick. He thought after the deposition exposed some of the wrongs that had happened to her he would feel better. There was going to be a trial. Those who treated her shitty in life were going to pay when the upcoming trial exposed the remaining secrets. But he didn’t feel better. He just felt exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically. 

   Clay slid his hand towards his phone fingers trembling as he called the only person he wanted to see. The phone barely got a chance to ring before the he heard a voice saying his name.

 

“Clay? You okay man? It’s like 4 in the morning..,”, Tony’s voice was soothing as always. Clay hesitated in replying, “Can you come over?”. There was several beats of silence before Tony confidently replied, “I’ll be there in 20 minutes Clay.” The phone line went dead. Clay whispered “Thank You” into darkness sliding off his chair onto the floor, pulling his knees against his chest. 

 

Clay doesn’t know how long he sat there staving off the panic attack that was slowly trying to make it’s way out. He was so out of it that he didn’t hear Tony come through his window. 

 

“Trying to find the answers in the ceiling?”, Tony’s voice was barely above a whisper but Clay still startled tipping over. 

 

     Clay stayed silent as Tony slid onto the floor next to him. Tony silently cleaned off Clay’s reopened cut until Clay broke the silence.  “I’m just so tired Tony. Fuck!”, Clay’s frustration raising his voice. Tony hushed him looking towards his door making sure that Clay’s parents had awoken with the noise. When no footsteps came he turned back to Clay. “So then sleep,” Tony said this with such a calm simplicity that Clay had to resist the urge to push him. “Come on get up”, Tony said pulling Clay towards his dresser. “Put on your most comfortable pajamas.” Clay stared at Tony disbelievingly until Tony cocked his eyebrow pointedly turned away. Clay got into his Star Wars pajamas that he was too embarrassed to usually wear since they were high water on him after his growth spurt freshman year. Clay clambered into bed, and turned his head to find Tony taking off his signature leather jacket and shoes. 

 

  Tony silently slid into bed beside Clay both of them on their back staring at the ceiling. 

   “Tony?”

   “Yeah?”

   “Can I- I mean if- I’m not trying to be weird but-“, Clay stumbled over his words.

   “What is it Clay… you can tell me.”

 

    Clay slowly moved a couple inches down the bed and rolled over until his face was on Tony’s chest. “Is this okay? I just don’t wanna feel alone anymore.” Tony didn’t respond he simply started carding his hand through Clay’s hair careful to avoid the cut on his head. Tony had a brief moment to think, “What would Brad think if he saw this right now?”, before Clay’s even breathing lulled them both to sleep.

 

     It was with their limbs tangled, Tony’s chin tucked over Clay’s head looking years younger that Mrs. Jensen found them three hours later. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think! :) 
> 
> You can come scream at me on tumblr about 13 Reasons and other fandoms! 
> 
>  
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://sonderbar-madchen.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> -N  
> xoxoxo


	2. I'm Driving Here I Sit Cursing my Government

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Morning after is always interesting when you're crawling of a boy's bed that not your boyfriend who you left at 4 am .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to "Tear in My Heart" by Twenty-One Pilots when I wrote this. I apologize in advance for some of the jokes in here, feel free to yell at me for them. 
> 
> Coño= Fuck

> _You fell asleep in my car I drove the whole time_  
>  _But that’s okay I’ll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine_  
>  _I’m driving here I sit_  
>  _Cursing my government_  
>  _For not using my taxes to fill holes with more cement_
> 
>  

 

 

    Clay awoke the next morning with the distinct feeling that someone was looking at him. He tried to open his eyes but was met with a wall of fabric. Tony. He had all but forgotten the 4 a.m call that brought him to Clay's house. He slowly peeled his head back from Tony’s chest. He was still sound asleep, little huffs of air escaping his slightly parted lips. The sound of a throat clearing reminded Clay of the real reason why he woke up. His mom was standing by the bed looking down on him and Tony.

“So...Tony wasn’t at dinner last night,” she said managing to keep her voice low.

   “Yeah, he needed last minute help on a paper and then it got too late for him to leave. I figured you and dad wouldn’t mind if he slept over,” His statement sounded more like a question even to his own ears but his mom simply hummed in acknowledgment and said, “Well you guys need to be getting up for school or did you forget it’s Monday?” She walked back to the doorway pausing briefly before leaving to say, “You guys should be downstairs for breakfast in 30 minutes.” Clay looked over at Tony. He hadn’t been this close to someone since him and Sheri kissed.

   This was the first time he had truly l _ooked_ at his friend. Tony’s face looked serene as if he had no worries at all. The product in his hair had clearly worn out and for the first time Clay saw Tony’s hair in small loose curls across his forehead, some stuck with sweat. His gaze swept down to Tony’s eyes, long curled black lashes almost touching the top of his cheeks. His lips were a delicate shade of pink that most girls used lipstick to achieve.

“Take a picture it’ll last longer, man,” Tony said, voice still rough with sleep.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you. My mom came in here and said we need to get downstairs for breakfast”, Clay slowly extracted himself from the other boy’s limbs as Tony sat up blinking owlishly. Clay climbed over him and headed straight for the shower, closing his room door quickly behind him before his best friend caught sight of his morning wood.

* * *

 

     Tony heard the shower start somewhere down the hall as well as the sounds of the Jensen household coming to life downstairs. He sat on the edge of the bed willing away his hard-on by thinking of moldy food. He was glad Clay had gotten up so quickly or it would have been a _sticky_ situation. The last thing he needed was to alienate him after he had taken Tony being gay with not much resistance. He looked over to the desk where he had folded his jeans and shirt that had been meticulously picked out for his date with Brad.

   Brad! “Coño”, Tony cursed to himself. He had no time to go home and grab another change of clothes. The outfit was pretty clean as he had barely worn it for two and a half hours. Having showered and changed for the date pretty late then taken it off when things got heated. It hadn’t been seen by anyone but Brad. Hopefully, he wouldn’t think anything of it.

    _But Brad notices everything_ , he noted dryly.

    Tony pulled on his socks one by one before pulling up his jeans. He was pulling up the zipper when Clay padded into the room towel around his waist. Tony was transfixed for a moment watching the water droplets make their way down his body. Quickly looking away, he did his button, and pulled his shirt over his head.

    “I’ll see you downstairs Clay,” Tony threw over his shoulder quickly crossing the room passing him.

* * *

 

    Clay shook his head as if trying to refocus his thoughts. What was up with him today? He quickly got dressed, choosing his pretty standard look of jeans paired with a plain black t-shirt, and blue hoodie.

  He grabbed his bag and stomped down the stairs to the kitchen. His father was sitting at the table, the paper in hand as his mom finished up the eggs. Tony seemed to be a little zoned out until Clay dropped into the seat across from him.

   “Good morning. I see we have Tony here with us for breakfast. Funny, I don’t remember him being here at dinner last night,” his father commented looking between Clay and Tony over the top of his glasses. “You know times like these it makes perfect sense why you and mom got married. She literally made the same comment upstairs. Yes, Tony is here. Yes, he wasn’t here for dinner,” his tone rising with each word. “Like I told mom he needed help with a paper and came over after dinner when you two were already asleep!” Everyone in the kitchen stopped moving as Clay finished his small outburst.

     Tony looked away from Clay to his parents with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Jensen I thought I had the paper all handled until I hit a roadblock and needed Clay’s help. Next time I’ll get started earlier.” Clay’s mom melted instantly, “Oh, Tony you know we love having you over. You’ve always been such a great friend to Clay. Particularly with all this Han-” Mr. Jensen interrupted in a warning tone, “ _Lainie_ , I’m sure Tony knows how grateful we are for all his support.”

    The rest of breakfast was spent in silence until Clay awkwardly announced, “Okay we’re leaving for school now.” Tony stood giving Clay’s mom a hug, “Thanks for the breakfast Mrs. J, it was great.” Mrs. Jensen waved Tony off, “It’s no problem at all. You boys get to school safe and… take care of each other okay?” Clay exited the house, Tony following after him before his mom could embarrass him any more.

    Tony had his mustang parked right out front. He got into the driver’s seat as Clay slid into the passenger’s seat. As soon as Clay buckled in Tony sped away from the house. Tony turned on the radio, not wanting to play one of his cassettes. He turned the volume almost all the way down like the music was an afterthought.

    “You feeling any better this morning?” Tony glanced over at Clay during a red light, smiling when he noticed that he had fallen asleep. It was so nice seeing Clay get some much needed rest. Lately, the bags under his eyes had become permanent fixtures on Clay’s face. Though Tony himself was barely getting sleep, plagued by his own hand in Hannah’s death, he hated what the tapes had done to Clay. Sure, Clay was already pretty down ever since Jeff got into the accident that left him in a coma, then Hannah dying one month later and he was distraught. But the tapes had almost ruined Clay completely. Tony has nightmares of Clay jumping off the cliff after his tape, Tony’s hand missing the back of his hoodie by inches. Tony would watch him tumble, screaming his throat raw.

    Green light.

    Tony let the memory of the nightmare slip away a bit, as he focused on avoiding the potholes. He wouldn’t be the one to rob Clay one-second of his deserved slumber, he was too important to him. As Tony was pulling up to the school Clay began to wake up.

     “Hey sleepyhead, just in time. I’m going to leave you here so I can go park.”

      Clay stretched, yawning once before grabbing his bag and getting out of the car. Tony leaned over towards the passenger window and called out a ‘see you inside’, before pressing the gas to reach his parking spot before the bell rang. Tony wandered around the student lot for about 10 minutes trying to get the thoughts of the nightmares fully out of his mind before starting the school day. Once he was satisfied he slipped into his parking space, _his_ because it was where he always parked, just like Zach and Bryce always had their spots. Everyone generally liked Tony so they respected his spot, those that didn’t respect him knew better than to try to take it. Tony picked up his bag from the back seat of the mustang before locking the car and making his way to the main entrance.

     Milling off to the side waiting for him was Brad. He was standing with his arms crossed and for Tony that spelled trouble.

    “Hey babe”, Tony said quietly. Brad did not respond with his typical kiss on the cheek like Tony expected but instead, “I saw Clay get out of your car.” Tony suppressed a sigh, “Yeah I gave him a ride this morning. What of it?” Brad was examining him up and down, “Nothing, I just think it’s interesting that I woke up in bed alone, and you show up at school with the same clothes I took off of you last night.” Tony does sigh this time, “It’s not what you think. Clay called me sounding wrecked. I just went over to calm him. I meant to send you a text but I fell asleep before I got the chance and then just figured I see you here.”

    Brad’s look softened for a moment before asking, “Did you sleep in the bed with him?” Tony was beginning to get frustrated, “Yes, but it only was so Clay didn’t feel alone. It’s not like that with me and him!” Brad opened his mouth to reply when the bell rang. Tony chuckled internally, _saved by the bell_. Brad spun on his heel, and swiftly walked into the school building without another word.

    Tony just watched him go, his frustration ebbing out the further away Brad got. Tony mused to himself, maybe he lied to Brad when he asked if this was about a boy. It _was_ about a girl, Hannah Baker, and the guilt that consumed him and pushed him to make sure everyone followed what she wanted. But maybe it was a little about a boy, a little bit about _Clay_. About his sweet smile, and quirky comments that were taken from him with all this tragedy. About how afraid he was for Clay during the process of listening to the tapes. About how much Tony could _not_ afford to lose him.

    Tony sighed one last time, ignoring the feeling inside of his chest that bloomed with the thoughts of Clay, and walked into the absolute shitshow that was Liberty High.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again let me know what you guys think! :) 
> 
> You can come scream at me on tumblr about 13 Reasons and other fandoms! 
> 
>  
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://sonderbar-madchen.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> -N  
> xoxoxo


	3. Sometimes Pain Seems Better Than The Migraine in My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay didn't expect Brad to confront him on being a bad influence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm so so sorry. I started this story over spring break, while I was also off from work. So school and work are back. I didn't expect to not update for over a week! 
> 
>  
> 
> This was a little rushed. I wanted to give you guys something!

      School was not Clay’s favorite place to be before the tapes. After it felt like a prison. As if they had locked him in there to suffer one monotonous moment after the next. No matter how much he tried there was this draft in the halls, it made him feel like he could never be warm again even in 80 degree weather. He knew it was Hannah.

    People had already begun to give him a wide berth when he walked the halls after his outburst with the foreign exchange students. Sure, he had never been popular but he was known. He was the awkward, quiet, kid that had grown up with them all. Now people he had known since kindergarten backed up from him as if he had a giant neon sign over his head in glittery red stating, “ _ **Unstable Loser”**_. That was fine with Clay, there were only three people he was particularly concerned about. One was Skye, their rekindled friendship was doing wonders for the both of them. The next was Jeff, who wasn’t even in school, still being in the hospital after the accident. Lastly was Tony. Out of the three people Clay cared about Tony probably took precedent. Tony was simply good, he was there whenever Clay needed him whenever Clay needed him, unselfishly so. _Like this morning 4 a.m_ , Clay thought sheepishly. Though it had been over six months since Hannah died Clay on occasion still had nightmares that tore him from his sleep and rattled him for days afterwards. Whenever he felt the cold hollowness begin to seep into his bones Tony was right there. His presence like sunshine somehow warming him from the inside out.

     The bell rang. Clay surged up and out of the classroom before most people had their books put away. He was passing the staircase on the north side of the school when he felt the back of his hoodie get yanked and he was stumbling through the doors into the stairwell. He went immediately on the defense before he realized who it was.

“Hey, Brad… um….are you okay?”, Clay asked.

  “Now that you mention it Clay. No. I’m not okay. I understand Tony was your friend before what happened to Hannah… I get that you really needed him to get through that. But you are dragging him down with you. When’s the last time you asked Tony if he was okay?” Clay actually couldn’t remember. Brad continued when it was clear Clay had no answer, “Exactly. You say ‘Jump’, and Tony says ‘How High?’ without thinking that maybe the jump will hurt him. I’ve been trying to help him but I can’t help if you’re always taking away all of our time together!”.

     Clay sat on the stairs brain working overtime trying to process exactly what Brad was telling him. Was he really interfering that much with Tony’s love life? Was Tony suffering even more because of him? His heart felt like it was slowly being squeezed. He could only mutter an, “I’ll stay away”. As Brad went through the doors sparing him one pitying look over his shoulder.

     Clay couldn’t stay in this fucking school one second longer today. He walked out with purpose into the hallway not stopping at the whispers and unsubtle glances thrown his way. He was sure he looked like shit. He didn’t stop until he was out the door to the school and took a deep breath feeling the vice grip on his heart slightly loosen until he realized that Tony had driven him today. Oh well the walk wasn’t so bad. Something he had discovered when Justin had stolen his bike.

     He walked home as quickly as possible.

      He didn’t enjoy being out about town anymore. It was like he could feel the ghostly caress of Hannah no matter where he looked. Even in places he knew he had never seen her.

     He saw her smiling at the tulips in Mrs. Kensly’s yard. He heard her laugh echoing down the street by where the pre-K kids, on their way home, were pulling funny faces at each other. He saw her skipping down the sidewalk humming to a tune only she knew. And then he'd blink and she'd be gone. 

     Finally he reached his house. The cars were gone from the driveway so he boldly walked into the yard and grabbed his bike. He was about to kick off when his phone pinged with a text.

 _Skye_ : **Where are you? Why aren’t you in class right now?**

If Clay answered he knew she would call in the calvary and that was Tony.

Brad was right. Tony didn’t need his shit.

     He kicked off and biked his way to the cliff that he and Tony had climbed all those months ago. He was already a bit calmer by the time he reached the cliff side. His phone had gone off over a dozen times but he had no desire to rejoin civilization at this moment. He leaned his bike against the bottom of the wall certain that it wasn’t going to be stolen here of all places, and began his ascent.

    The climb was more grueling today without Tony to help him along. About three quarters of the way up he wanted to stop. Sweat was pouring into his eyes making them sting. He felt his hold slip more than once as blood collected in his palms. Every breath of air made his lungs burn with effort. He had never felt more alive. By the time he reached the top the sun had begun to set. He had just closed his eyes when he heard the tell-tale signs of a car coming up the road. The car screeched to a stop, door slamming.

  “CLAY! CLAY! _JENSEN_ ARE YOU HERE!?”, Tony sounded absolutely panicked.

   “TONY I’M UP HERE”, Clay heard a string of words in spanish.

       After 10 minutes had passed there where still no signs of Tony climbing the wall. “TONY?”, Clay called out. Just then Tony burst through the trees somewhere to his right looking disheveled. Clay stood putting his hands up to begin explaining himself when Tony’s eyes bulged and he raced over to Clay swiftly grabbing the lighter boy's hands.

      “Clay, what did you _do_? No. No. No”, Tony’s voice caught with some emotion Clay couldn’t quite place. Clay hadn’t realized what it looked like. The blood on his palms had flowed generously down his forearm. Tony was shaking like a leaf just repeating, “No”, over and over.

     “Tony, I cut my palms accidentally while climbing up here. I didn’t… I didn’t hurt myself”, Clay said. He gently pulled Tony’s smaller form into his arms, lowering them to the floor with great care. Clay had never seen Tony like this. He was always the rock, and now he was crumbling before Clay’s eyes. It took several minutes for Tony to stop shaking.

     “I thought I was going to be too late. Like I was with Hannah. Too late.” Tony whispered. Clay just tightened his grip on Tony’s leather jacket in response.

      “I can’t lose you Clay” Tony admitted looking up at him. Clay looked down at Tony whose warm eyes were staring back with unshed tears. Without thinking at all he leaned forward and crushed his lips into his best friend’s. Tony tasted like Monet’s hot chocolate and cherry chapstick. If Tony’s presence was like being in the sun then kissing him was like being set on fire. He felt Tony sigh into the kiss pressing forward with more fervor. Clay let him take control of the kiss, only pulling back to catch his breath. Clay leaned back in...

 

       Tony’s phone rang in his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to yell about: my late update, my numerous grammatical mistakes since this wasn't checked over, and or just Clay and Tony! 
> 
>  
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! 
> 
> -N  
> xoxox


	4. Su Veneno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who was calling Tony?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to a bunch of Aventura (A dominican boy band for those who don't know) so the title is one of their song titles, "Su Veneno" is a classic (trust me) and translates to Her/His poison . It's about the kisses of this person being toxic but it comes like little bottles of honey rather than poison. (roughly).

Tony froze completely as if the sound of the ringtone had brought him crashing back down to reality.

“You going to answer that Tony?” It was Clay’s voice that shocked him into digging into his pants pocket to retrieve his phone.

“Hi Mrs. Jensen. Yes, I’m with Clay. Mhmm. I’ll have him home soon,” Tony spoke into his phone with a subdued voice. He ended the call and they sat in silence.

Clay decided to finally break the building tension, “Does my mom know I was M.I.A today?”

Tony shook his head while standing, “No, I came looking for you after Skye said you were in class. At first I checked the library and all the nooks in the staircases until I was sure you weren’t there, and by that time school was over. Rode around town after seeing your bike wasn’t in your yard. You weren’t at Eisenhower Park, Monet’s…this was my second to last stop. I was hoping you were here. I didn’t… I didn’t want to go to the look-out point.” His voice started wavering again as he finished, which left Clay with no doubts that he was speaking of the place where Clay had finished listening to his tape. The place where Clay had considered ending his own life to join Hannah.

“Tony-”

“I should get you home Clay, your mom said dinner would be ready in half an hour.”

“But we should talk about the kiss at least right?” Clay didn’t know what the kiss even meant. He just knew that he would have regretted that moment for the rest of his life if he had neglected to kiss his best friend right then. Now where did that leave them?

Tony shifted his eyes away from Clay to the underbrush he had stumbled through. “Let's get to the car, Clay.” He turned and walked back through the small opening between the bushes leaving Clay to scramble after him.

By the time Clay caught up with Tony he was closing the trunk of the mustang over Clay’s bike. As he slid into the passenger seat he was suddenly engulfed in the scent of Tony; the leather of his jacket, the tropically fruity smell of his hair, and faint traces of oil.

Tony slid into the driver’s seat and hesitated before starting the car. He angled his body towards Clay.

“You’re doing a good job of imitating those silent movies we show at the Crestmont once a month.” Clay couldn’t stop himself from blurting whatever came to his mind. He was too nervous.

“I get that emotions were running high and that makes things happen that might not normally. But I have Brad. And you are still in love with _Hannah_.” With that note he turned on the radio and the music that came out of the speakers was foreign. Spanish probably. Not that he was focused on that.

Tony raised a valid point on the Brad front. Just a few hours ago he realized that he was coming between Tony and Brad. Brad, who was trying to help Tony in ways that Clay was clearly incapable of doing. Brad, who just wanted the best for Tony. Brad, Tony’s boyfriend who he had just thoroughly kissed. Fuck. Was Tony going to tell Brad? Clay was going to ruin them and probably Tony in the process. Brad was right.

Just as Clay finished his inner musings Tony lowered the radio. They had already pulled up to Clay’s house.

“Um...thanks for bringing me home. You going to come in for din-”

Tony was already shaking his head before Clay had even finished his sentence. “I need to be heading home Clay... some other time.” Clay nodded and awkwardly clambered out of the car nearly tripping on his way out. Clay was halfway to his porch when he heard the car door open and close behind him. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” Turning, he saw Tony holding his bike with the infamous leather jacket laid over the handles. Clay’s heart did a funny wiggle in his chest. _I should get that checked out by my doctor._

“You want me to wear your jacket?” Tony pointed to the sleeves of Clay’s hoodie that were now stained with the streaks of dried blood and flaking. If Mrs. Jensen had seen that Clay knew he would never be allowed to leave the house again. Tony had just saved him from further grounding.

“You’re an angel.” Shit, Clay really needed to learn some brain to mouth filter. Tony’s lip pulled up into a half smile as Clay put the jacket on. It was a bit too short, and he had too much room in the arms and torso. Clay had to stop himself from bringing the jacket arm up to his nose to breathe in that unique mixture of scents.

“Thanks again Tony-- You know, for everything.”

“It goes without saying, but always, Clay. Always, man. _Always_.”

The intensity in Tony’s eyes was too much and he had to look away. He focused on the mustang door closing and the sounds of Tony driving away before opening the door to his childhood home and stepping inside.

* * *

 

By the time Tony had gotten home his mother had retired to her room to watch her _novella_ and his father was out playing dominoes with some of the older men from the street. Who knows where his brothers were, he was just glad they weren’t home. They always seemed to know when he had come home from seeing Clay, and he couldn't stand any commentary from them.

He trudged up the steps and to his room that he shared with his brother Santana. Share being a loose term as Santana was hardly ever home, too busy going to some party or work. He threw himself down on his bed with his street clothes. He usually hated doing that but he could barely get there in time to collapse nevertheless shower and get pjs on. He turned on his laptop and pressed play on his “moping” playlist.

_“Su maldito veneno Que viene en frasco de besos en botesitos de miel!”_ Tony was belting out the lyrics. He didn’t even notice his little sister open his door. It wasn’t until a few lines later she joined in, _“Voy a jugar con fuego, A derretir este hielo, no morire por una mujer!”_ Lucy Padilla walked over to the laptop and closed it effectively shutting off the music. She sat at the foot of his bed.

“Well you can’t die over a woman because they are so not your cup of tea. So, what _boy_ has my brother’s boxers in a twist?”

Tony groaned. “Lu-Lu can’t I just listen to some Aventura without being emotional?” “First, don’t call me ‘Lu-Lu’, I’m not six anymore, Tone, I’m fifteen. And come on! No one listens to _Aventura_ in a normal state.” Lucy graduated from the corner of the bed to snuggling into Tony.

“I can’t have him, Lucy. I can’t take advantage of him after all he’s been through. I’m his best friend, and he’s straight. The kiss was a mistake on his part-” “Woah Woah Woah, back up. Are we talking about Clay!? He kissed you!?” She asked, voice rising in pitch until she was practically screeching into Tony’s ear. “Santana and Jordan owe me ten bucks each!”

“Can we please not make me deaf? And you had bets on me and Clay!?”

“Uh, yeah! Anyone with two eyes that knows you both could see you guys have been circling each other for years.” Lucy smiled at Tony’s baffled stare.

“Clay’s into dudes?”

“Duh, why do you think you always hated him being around Jeff? He totally had a crush on him.” If it was possible Tony looked even more stupefied. Lucy giggled reaching over him to open the laptop allowing the music to flow back into the room as Tony held her against his chest.

Mrs. Padilla found them just like that an hour later. She covered both her children with the blanket, and offed the light.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr. Tell me what you guys think!
> 
>  [My Tumblr](http://sonderbar-madchen.tumblr.com)
> 
> -N  
> xoxox


	5. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all knew things were going too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHhhhhh so I wrote this over break then college and finals and work came back with a vengeance ughhhhh. Also a family member in the hospital.
> 
> This is just a little interlude until I can give you guys the chapter you deserve! 
> 
> Tell me how this interlude was though. Thanks for baring with me!

This morning at the Jensen household, like most mornings, family breakfast happened. While Clay was never too talkative in the mornings, his mother was very aware of just how quiet he was the morning. I mean c’mon, he didn’t even laugh at the terrible ‘mom’ joke she just made.

“Earth to Clay, you with us honey?” She waved her hand a couple of times in front of his unfoused eyes. 

Clay blinked at her several times trying to process that she was speaking to him. 

“Were you talking to me ?”

 

“No Clay, I was talking to the other son I have that was sitting at this table.” She was too amused to put any real heat in her voice. “Honey, are you okay?”

Clay shined back a megawatt smile that threw his mother off. She had not seen Clay smile like that since before Hannah died. 

“Yeah mom I’m really just great.” He said this with such conviction that his father looked up from his morning paper to obersve him. He gazed over his glasses giving the impression he was seeing right through Clay. 

“I hope whatever girl has you smiling like this you’ll bring around for dinner soon. She must be pretty special.”, his dad tossed out this comment casually as if he were merely commenting on the weather. Clay’s face flushed with emabarassment. The last thing he wanted right now was to drop the “I’m-not-straight” bombshell. 

“Um yeah, I’m just going to take this slice of toast over to Monets’ and maybe catch Skye there.” He swiftly grabbed his bag and several slices of toast and exited the house. 

He didn’t hear his parents chuckling behind him.

Clay was rushing to Monet’s so he could finally talk about him and Tony. Ugh he hated himself. Even saying those words in his own head caused his stomach to swoop in that pleasant way it does when you uncover a great surprise. His great surprise was that he was servrely in “like” with his best friend Tony Padilla. They had kissed. Tony had kissed back despite how quickly he jetted off afterwards. 

Clay felt like he was in the clouds and no one could bring him down. He was a little startled by this realization. He didn’t realize that so much time had passed since he had felt this way. He had merely been existing. Walking his consciousness from one spot to the next never really taking time to appreciate the really small things in life.

He was so wrapped up in these feelings that he didn’t notice the station wagon rushing down the avenue. 

The last thing he remembers is glass and screaming. And someone that sounded like Tony begging him to stay awake.

He wanted to say “Yes, I’m here”. But he didn’t even have a chance before he had succumbed to the darkness.


	6. I'm So Done Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony deals with the aftermath of the accident.
> 
> Title taken from "Simple Song" by Jussie Smollett and Rumer Willis.

> Oh, this is just a simple song about everything I've lost  
>  About everything that I've found again, mmm  
>  _Now, I ain't been living long_  
>  What I've seen has been so far away from what I was brought up in  
>  Why have I been faking for?  
>  When it's hard enough to be in this world, who we truly are, truly are  
>  _I was so used to living wrong_  
>  But now I know it ain't nothing 'cept a simple song, mmm  
>  See I, done hid for years, y'all, yeah, yeah  
>  _But I'm so done hiding, oh_
> 
>      

 

 

     Tony felt like he was in a nightmare. It was as if everything around him lacked sound, all tinted gray as if the world was a little less bright.

     He had bolted out of bed that morning in high spirits. Ready to face Brad and the world. He had just finished his hot chocolate when Brad walked into Monet’s.

   “ So Jensen finally realized what was right in front of him for so long?”, Brad took the seat across from him. Tony opened his mouth but Brad continued, “You know Tony why I tried so hard to hold on to you? You are a great guy, you would give the world to the people you love even at your own expense. That's why I’m more sad than upset.”

     The latino boy sat silent for a moment. “You are going to make some guy really happy one day. You are literally the perfect guy, I just wish I could’ve given you everything you deserve.”

       Tony had gotten into his car feeling lighter than he had in months and drove to Liberty High. He parked in his usual spot and took up residence by the bike rack waiting for Clay. The warning bell had gone off and he began to worry when his phone rang, Skye’s name flashing against his phone’s screen.

    “Skye? Whats up?”, Tony said with a hint of confusion.

     “Tony...Tony….”, Her voice was breaking and Tony’s heart felt like it was falling out of his chest.

   “Skye what happened?”

    “Clay got hit by a car on his way to school, he’s unconscious...in the hospital.” Her voice didn’t raise above a whisper but Tony heard everything. He took a moment to process before running to his parked car ignoring the tiny cries of “Tony!” coming from his phone.

     He drove out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell violating every traffic law he knew. The whole time on the way to the hospital he could only think of the last time he had seen Clay’s face. By the time he had reached the parking garage across the street from the hospital he was on the verge of a panic attack. _Get your shit together Padilla, Clay needs you._

     And here he was sitting in the uncomfortable plastic chairs supplied, listening to the rhythmic beating of the heart monitor reminding him that he had not lost him . Clay had been put into a coma to help his body heal. He had a broken leg and some minor swelling in his brain. When Skye saw him she had collapsed into his arms crying and Tony had felt so hopeless holding her, watching the tubes breathe for the boy he loved until he could breathe on his own. He would keep hope that Clay would be alright… it was all he could do.

    Tony came back to the hospital everyday to see Clay for a week making sure to relieve Mr. and Mrs. Jensen. Sometimes he would sit there and just stare at Clay’s sleeping form watching his chest move up and down without the aid of a machine now. Sometimes he would read to Clay, he was half way through _“The Perks of being a Wallflower_.”

     On day three of his visits he entered Clay’s room to see Sheri and Jessica already in the room, He quietly came in and they all sat in silence for 15 minutes until Jess and Sheri moved to leave. “He’ll be okay Tony. Anyone who has someone who loves them as much as you love Clay, fights their way back.” Sheri said full of confidence closing the room door behind her.

    By saturday nearing almost a week since Clay was last conscious, Tony was ready to pull his hair out.

   “Clay you have to wake up. If you don’t I won’t be able to take you to see the new Star Wars movie. You’ll never find out what happened to Eleven on Stranger Things! That would fucking suck to die before Game of Thrones comes back and Cersei gets what's coming to her!”, Tony sighed and pulled the plastic chair closer to the hospital bed.

    “If you don’t wake up I can’t tell you how I liked you since the 7th grade when you let Bryce push you into the mud puddle so that he would leave me alone. How when I see you I just want to make you smile cause you have been so fucking down since Hannah killed herself. How much I love you.” Tony closed his eyes, tightening his grip on Clay hand feeling all the soft dips and grooves. It was weirdly intimate and when he realizes this he hastens to put the boy’s hand down. Then he feels pressure on his hand and almost gets whiplash the way he looks up to Clay’s face. His eyes are open staring at Tony.

   “Clay?!”, Tony reaches for the water and the button to call the nurse. He manages to get a few sips down before the nurses come in swarming like locusts and Tony moves to get out the way when Clay’s weak voice stops him.

    “I love you too Tone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHH! So here we are thank you all for sticking with me and this story! Thank you for all your well wishes on my family member (who is doing well), and my finals (I got almost all A's in my college classes!).
> 
> I'm planning on one last chapter, an epilogue of sorts if you will!
> 
> Please leave your bad, good comments, your kudos, your love (or hate). 
> 
> Love you all so much!


	7. Hearts Don't Break Around Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue! 
> 
> I know it took me like 9 months! I'm sorrrryyyyy for anyone who is still here with me! 
> 
> More notes at the end! 
> 
> The song is the one which the title is taken from
> 
> "Hearts Don't Break Around Here" by Ed Sheeran

_That every night I'll kiss you you'll say in my ear_

_Oh we're in love aren't we?_

_Hands in your hair, fingers and thumbs baby_

**_I feel safe when you're holding me near_ **

_Love the way that you conquer your fear_

_You know hearts don't break around here”_

* * *

 

 

  “And then I got Tony to snort so hard that the hot chocolate came out of his nose,” Clay could barely contain his chortling.

 

   “It’s nice you know,” Jeff said.

 

 “What is?”

 

  “How happy you are. I know I missed all those terrible months after -- after Hannah, but even after I woke up, and we were both doing physical therapy together, this cloud stuck to you. Like you couldn’t be at peace totally until Bryce was in jail.” Jeff still had a hard time speaking about Hannah, he had not had the time to really absorb and acclimate to the new reality of a world without her like everyone else had.

 

  Clay gave a smile that didn’t quite read as genuine. He shrugged before saying, “ I don’t think I’ll ever really stop thinking about Hannah and where she could be right now, about her hopes and dreams that I’ll never know. That the world will never get to see. Because people scooped her essence out of her. But -- but I love Tony. So much, I don’t even know how it’s possible that someone like me has someone like him.”

 By the end of the mini-speech Jeff’s smile is radiant. “ You waxing poetic about your boy is about the most adorable thing I’ve heard recently. I’ve taught you so well, good to know my lessons didn’t go to waste.”

 

   Clay was just about to scoff when he heard the telltale sign of Tony’s car. Jeff turned his wheelchair from where they had been watching the children play on the jungle gym to see Tony pulling up, music wafting out of the cracked window. Clay could feel the tingles start in the tips of his fingers in anticipation. Months later and the sight of Tony still made his palms sweaty.

“Close your mouth, don’t think Padilla finds that attractive,” Jeff commented breaking Clay out of his Tony induced stupor.

 

   “Watch it Atkins before I dump you out of that wheelchair.”

 

   Jeff began to laugh and Clay’s heart clenched for a brief moment. It was so good to hear him laugh again.

 

    Tony rolled down the passenger window further and leaned over to call out to them.

 

“Hey Atkins, need a ride somewhere?”

 

  “I’m good Padilla, take your boy and get your cute asses out of my face!” Jeff called back causing Clay to turn red. Clay turned away from Jeff stomping away from him determinedly, flipping him off right before getting in. Tony’s music almost drowned out his mirthful reply of ‘Love you too Jensen!’.

 

  As Tony drove away Clay observed his side profile. Hair being blown by the warm breeze, ray bays covering his mile long lashes. The smaller boy was singing along to the music in the car, that must be in Spanish.

 

“ _Y puedo morir! Encima de tu cuerpooooo, amarrado a tu cama...sobredosis de sexoooo_.” Tony looked over with these lyrics and licked his lips, causing Clay to blush. Clay may not know Spanish but he didn’t need to to know much to understand Tony was singing about something sexual.

 

“Cut it out, Tone! I swear you only do things like that to see me blush.”

 

“Watching your blush spread is a pleasure of mine. Particularly when it goes past your neck.” Tony’s right hand settled on the top of Clay’s thigh. Clay’s mouth went a little dry.

 

“I swear your house better be empty if you’re talking like this. I don’t need your siblings walking in on us again. I don’t think I could handle the embarrassment.” Clay whined referencing the time Lucy and Santana had walked into Tony’s room without knocking. Santana had been harassing them ever since and Lucy had said she was scarred for life.

 

Tony burst into laughter setting off Clay as well.

 

It struck Clay in that moment. The summer caressing his face, the warmth of Tony’s fingers on his thigh, and the sound of their laughter mixing together.

 

He was going to be okay. He was happy, and safe for the first time in a very long while.

 

“I’m so glad to be here with you right now. That you never gave up on me. That you chose me.” The sincerity in Clay’s voice had Tony chancing a glance over.

 

“Always.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally made it! It's been a journey and I'm so grateful to all the comments and kudos! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who stuck around this long! I really really appreciate every single one of you! 
> 
>  
> 
> The second song, the one Tony sings, is " Sobredosis" by Romeo Santos.
> 
> Please feel free to comment and yell at me! The comments and kudos honestly haunted me until I finished. 
> 
> Love y'all!
> 
> Nabi


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